If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
