The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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