I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
