I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
