You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
