walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
