She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i came on her dog
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
