you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
