five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
