and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
