# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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