My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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