i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
