guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
