the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
