They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
