How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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