So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
