I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
