shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
