walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
