my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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