Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My first STD was from a foam party
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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