This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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