Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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