Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
