He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
