Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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