Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
