Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
