I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
