Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
