id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
