I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
