Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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