He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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