I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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