is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
