Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
