I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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