How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
