my mouth tastes like poor choices
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
