Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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