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i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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