so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
