Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
