I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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