Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
