dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
