i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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