Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
