I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
