I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
